A Caregiver’s Dilemma: Am I a Help or Hindrance?

My wise and loving mother taught me many lessons. One of the most profound came in her final years when I discovered how much her family’s support contributed to her happiness and quality of life.

But it didn’t include making important decisions for her, an able-minded senior.

Above all else, allowing and accepting my mother’s choices enabled me to dignify her as she deserved, at a time when poor health took its toll on so much of that dignity.

At 84, my mother found herself face-to-face with a life-altering experience she could have done without.

Serious complications from heart surgery altered her life in ways none of us expected. A partial recovery robbed her energy and some abilities but not her common sense.

While my siblings and I guided many of her decisions from that point on, that guidance was framed in terms of choice. We listened to her needs, did research and presented options but she made up her own mind, exercising the good sense that had served her well for a lifetime.

This is not to say we didn’t worry. Would she know when it was time to give up the house? Would she accept living in a seniors’ apartment? Would she agree to even more care?

She dealt with each of these questions on her own terms and at what proved to be the right time.

As her children, we came to understand that we could help or hinder her life, especially when it came to important decisions.

Karen Schwartz is a communications consultant, freelance writer and one of Ida and Max Schwartz’s three children. Find her on LinkedIN.